A Cacophony of Thoughts

2:32am: Zonked

8:27pm: I should password protect my computer, eh?
Hahaha! Whoa...I think I might have to put up a password! I have no idea who put this up last night, but I sure as heck wasn't in the room at the time. It's quite funny though.

11:31pm: I have a confession to make. I am addicted to porn. I just can't get enough of it, but admiting I have a problem is the first step. If you see me, let me know you support my struggle

9:04pm: I've been thinking lately
Okay, so everyone thinks all the time, but I've been contemplating the tragedy of memory. The words sound pretentious, but I really do mean that memory is both a blessing and a curse. What other animal is as deeply affected by his past actions and those of others than man? More personally, the past is not malleable and all things that have happened have vanished, like morning dew at the advent of the sun. The moment of meeting a particular person for the first time is gone, the moment of grand achievement is gone, the actions of yesterday belong to a time that cannot be recovered again; these little moments begin to accumulate and disappear in the world, only to be lived in the mind. You may argue that if the memory still exists in the mind, the memory is still real and exists, but that not true in the sense that one cannot experience, for a second time, the exact emotions, physically and mentally, a second time. I'm not saying that this is a horrible thing, just that it simply is a tragedy and something upon which we can dwell (if we're not careful).

On a less 'intellectual bullshit' level I find that memory is somewhat of an inconvenience sometimes (especially when it fails). What I mean is that I become my biggest critic when I can't recall a person's name or face (particularly those who remember me) or I know that I have something stored into my memory and can recall it at the slightest provocation, but am missing the provocation or simply that I just don't have a photographic memory and can't conjure up the massive facts that I know I have stored in some obscure place in my mind. These little imperfections make me consider what it would be like to have no memory of certain things, but still retain enough to function politely and effeciently in society.

Perhaps it's something anyone here can comment on.

2:38am: Alive and still reading
Okay, so it's been awhile since I was last on this site. I figure that I could avoid/live w/o somethings and still function perfectly normally (I'm pretty sure I'm still sane). Anyway, I've been just perky these past few days/weeks/months? I've definetly done too much reading for pleasure though, and haven't really prepped for classes this fall yet (still have to buy books). Although the classes and lab right now are taking up a sizable amount of my time. I'm quite saddened at the fact that my summer is so short and that I missed out on a lot of the random things that people are doing back home (camping trips, birthdays, concerts, etc). I can't really complain much, since I chose to subject myself to this course, but I still like to just complain.

Apart from all that technical stuff, my academic life details that are rather boring, I'm living on Langdon (aka Frat Rd) and the person I share a room with is rarely here. Unfortunately, the experience of living by myself will end shortly, as he'll be back tomorrow....errr...today. I have enjoyed my tenure in Madison, quite a bit though (although I don't think I'll do the same next summer). I've met a group of people that I find vibrant, filled with energy (frisbee folk!) and easy smiles, but that's only the beginning. I could continue on and tell how I've picked up table tennis (kinda) and frisbee golf(-ish), but I'm tired and it's almost three O'CLOCK in the morning ;D

11:32pm: Two Quizzes tomorrow
I'm ecstatic!!

Okay, so I thought I'd do well, having to focus on only one class this summer...turns out we're flying through all the material and crap is hitting the fan. Can someone tell me that I'm not tired and that I'll be fine? This summer schedule is hectic! Exams every other week (and when we don't have exams, quizzes, yippee). Now there really is only one person I can blame for this, myself, but what the heck, I've been in worse situations and have survived. Anyway, will this really matter in a few months? years? decades? to anyone other than me? Most likely not.

Alright, so I raved and complained a bit, but thats what I use this for, kinda.

6:23am: Will update sometime....soon....I hope
Hmmm...been kinda busy lately...darn work...gonna be missing my little sister's graduation because of it

1:44pm: Still Alive
So the year's drawing to a close...so much has happened this year that to recount it all would be an attempt at futility (just cause I've forgotten a lot of stuff already)! Anyway, quickly running through memory lane I'll recount the 15 most memorable moments of this year (for me.

Starting with 15, because it's more dramatic that way.

15. Being on the receiving end of an uppercut...ahem
14. The night the Board Room was born..."To sleep or not to sleep, that is the question"
13. The epic Hessian fall (this one involves chairs and tables and bodily contact)
12. Culinary Adventure at Takara...Erich is one crazy man...wasabi 'n raw fish
11. Getting lost with Tony Hess when we were out looking for Vegan Bread...this is a great story
10. Sleeping in the Board Room, participants include: Brendan, Ryan, Tony H, Tony K, Mona, and myself
9. Jumping into Lake Monona at midnight, boxers eh?
8. Shopping with my sister, my aunt, and her boyfriend...Gurnee is the largest mall I've ever been to
7. Running into a random kid in my Chem 109 class during Spring Break. I was walking around a random arcade that my cousin frequents in the Twin Cities. I didn't know the kid existed until he came up and asked me about school...
6. e4, c5; Nf3, Nc6; d4, cxd4; Nxd4, Nf6
5. Celebrating my half-birthday and getting a ginormous chocolate bar
4. "What? You like bagpipes?" Whonu?
3. Mafia...
2. A day out and about with Bree, Anne, and Scott
and the most memorable thing I take from this year is................
1. The wonderful and diverse group of human beings I associate with and call my friends.

Ok, so number one is a bit cliche, but what the heck! It's true enough!

1:23pm: Have you ever found yourself face to face with a stranger who you think you've met before?
Every so often

Have you ever taken time to smell the different perfumes before buying?
I don't really buy perfume

Have you ever whispered a song to yourself?
All the time

Have you ever wished you could whistle loudly?
Yeah, the finger in the mouth thing, I've always been impressed by people who could

Have you ever tried to walk on water, only to fall through?
Hahaha, I've fallen through

Have you ever felt like the world just kept moving, even though it should've stopped for you?
At times

Have you ever stayed up for two days?
Never

Have you ever looked upon the ocean, and felt small?
Yeah, and yes I got it from "I Hope you Dance"

Have you ever questioned whether people are who they appear to be?
Moreso in the past, now I question who I am

Have you ever had a staring competition with a wall, only to realize it never blinks?
This is silly, I don't know of anyone who has ever done this with this intent

Have you ever looked at the end of a book without reading it?
Defeats the purpose of reading a book

Have you ever written anything longer than 20 pages?
Yup, stories, papers, research papers

Have you ever laughed so hard you passed out?
Nope

Have you ever been tickled until it hurt?
Yeah and it sucks at that point

Have you ever broken any bones in your body?
Ankle, it clicks every time I swing my foot around

Have you ever fallen, beyond the age of 10 (don't include sports)?
I can't lie to this one, yeah

Have you ever done something you regret?
Many things worth regreting, but no regret has come from them

Have you ever slept on a question, only to wake up answerless?
These are usually questions I don't think have answers to them

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
I have

Have you ever given someone a hug just because?
Indeed

Have you ever felt like you were the only person in the world?
Yes, and metaphorically too

Have you ever gazed into the night sky?
I'm a sucker for natural beauty, I do this all the time

Have you ever tried to count the stars?
I have

Have you ever wished you could fly?
Wished for it two years straight, wasted two birthday wishes

Have you ever made your bed this year?
Often

Have you ever wanted someone to tell you all the answers to all the questions you would ever have?
I have, but then I would begin to question whether it was me or not

Have you ever wronged someone and not once thought of apologizing?
This has probably happened more than once...

Have you ever......wanted to say 'Hi' to someone, only to hold back because you were unsure of whether they would notice?
I think this is the story of college life

Name the one person who you feel is the most mysterious person you 'know'!
Tony Kaspryzczak...I'm not even sure if I spelled it right!

12:55am: A list of Questions (Since everyone likes random questions)
Have you ever found yourself face to face with a stranger who you think you've met before?
Have you ever taken time to smell the different perfumes before buying?
Have you ever whispered a song to yourself?
Have you ever wished you could whistle loudly?
Have you ever tried to walk on water, only to fall through?
Have you ever felt like the world just kept moving, even though it should've stopped for you?
Have you ever stayed up for two days?
Have you ever looked upon the ocean, and felt small?
Have you ever questioned whether people are who they appear to be?
Have you ever had a staring competition with a wall, only to realize it never blinks?
Have you ever looked at the end of a book without reading it?
Have you ever written anything longer than 20 pages?
Have you ever laughed so hard you passed out?
Have you ever been tickled until it hurt?
Have you ever broken any bones in your body?
Have you ever fallen, beyond the age of 10 (don't include sports)?
Have you ever done something you regret?
Have you ever slept on a question, only to wake up answerless?
Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Have you ever given someone a hug just because?
Have you ever felt like you were the only person in the world?
Have you ever gazed into the night sky?
Have you ever tried to count the stars?
Have you ever wished you could fly?
Have you ever made your bed this year?
Have you ever wanted someone to tell you all the answers to all the questions you would ever have?
Have you ever wronged someone and not once thought of apologizing?
Have you ever......
(make one up and answer it)

Name the one person who you feel is the most mysterious person you 'know'!

6:21pm: I'm tired of meaninglessness
If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.
- George Aiken

An opinion that may very well be a truth to some, but such low regard and such high cynicism of humanity often makes me wonder how bad we truly are. A person who may consider himself an objective outsider always makes man out to be a miscreant. I don't understand why this view is so highly supported...Is not man more than that? Is he not more than the single anomaly, the person out of line? What reason exists that man should be judged on the weakest of his species? Why not look to what he has created and nurtured; examples of how he has excelled and continues to improve, in spite of knowing that he only exists in a very small world in a gigantic universe. In this way, is he not similar to birds who build their nests in chimneys, where the young can slip and fall into oblivion? Does he not also build his life on the edge of the universe, his 'citadels of love' in the most dangerous of places?

2:20am: Okay, so I spent today a little worried about the A-chem presentation...turns out...it really wasn't bad at all. My group walked out smiliing and laughing, I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but I hope it is. Anyway, so Jia, Matt, Christa, Bryan, and Ziyi don't present until Tuesday of next week, but they're all worried about it. I find it amusing, but maybe I'm just more optimistic or I just don't care as much. Anyway, I think they'll do fine, reasons being: they're all smart kids, they're a group of five students, their work was very complete and very organized, their data looked really good, their report was probably well written, they have the weekend to finish planning for the presentation, and I believe they'll succeed (although that last one might not be a 'good' reason, I'll throw it out there). Additionally, Professor Wendt wasn't trying to screw us over. In fact, he really wanted us to understand the lab and the procedures used. Also, the reason for the calculations and what those represent physically. So, to those reading and who are in A-Chem, best of luck.

Oh yeah, I played Chess today too! It was a wonderful time, granted my opponent was none other than the famed Grandmaster of the fifth floor (who shall remain nameless due to the fact that I won and I will try not to soil that precious reputation) *couautumngh* *couwilkegh*, excuse me.

A momentous occasion, such as the above, deserved celebration. Josh and myself found ourselves walking through the brisk, cool night to Ed's Express and buying Fruit Slices, Macarones, and Grape Juice. At this point we decided to waltz back to Chadbourne.

The night's still young and we decide to watch a movie...Adaptation...very neat movie. I enjoyed the attempt in portraying human life and meaning in the film, very different from other movies. I'd recommend it to those who may be interested.

That's all folks

3:02pm: 1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours


I'll get to this tonight, after my sister picks out her prom dress......give me around 30 hoours ^_^

5:18pm: Dang it! All the summer O chem classes are full...I'm gonna have to wait for an opening now...this sucks...serves me right for trying to sign up for classes so late...drat

8:03pm: Haven't updated in awhile...LIFE=BUSY=NOT ONLINE OFTEN=HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AWHILE

I think I overfed Brianna's electronic fish...

9:46pm: I should have posted this awhile ago, but I finally read Ishmael, and my recommendation is for everyone to read it! The tenacity of David Quinn is remarkable! He brings a very different perspective of humanity into the light...something that everyone has felt at one point in time, but was never able to pin down and express. In its own odd way, it has found a spot in my top ten booklist...and I've read a crap-ton o' books!

12:58am: So, it's about 1:00 AM and I have a quiz in a little more than 8 hours...I just feel like complaining about the things I have to do before break because I've been a procrastinator and haven't done anything for a long time! Tomorrow = Biocore essay and packing for the break! I plan on being extremely irratible and tired...so if I happen to offend anyone, I apologize beforehand ^_~! Anyway, I hope the break is relaxing for everyone! I myself will be kept busy with social obligations and will probably not be in my house often enough! Much love to all the folk out there, you all know who you are ^_^!

4:08pm: THE LONGEST POST I WILL EVER MAKE
Ok, so I should've put this up yesterday, but yesterday was a little too busy and I'm the type that easily fatigues. Anyway, a quick account of the events of yesterday. Morning (at least for me): 10:30, wake-up time...alarm starts to beep and I turn it off...11:17, less than one hour before I have to meet some friends from home for lunch. I slowly slink out of bed and grab the random shower supplies that are strewn all over my shelves. In my droggy state I turn on the cold before the hot and almost jump out of my skin! With the shower over, I proceed to the sink to brush those shining whites. By the time I finish in the bathroom and get back to the room, the clock tells me it's 11:34...what else do I have to do yet? A quick glance in the mirror tells me that my hair is in disarray and I don't really have clothes on. Reaching into the closet I pull out an undershirt, a shirt, and some random khaki, "This should be fine," I think to myself and quickly dress. Another glance at the clock tells me it's 11:38...shoes and socks...11:41...hair, urgh, quick styling with the hands and I'm good...11:42...ok, where's the jacket? I start the search...not in the usual place I put it (those hooks in the closet)...I give up...11:43...my friend, Rob, arrives and we head over to Scott's room only to find him still asleep in his bed. We basically yank Scott out of bed and throw his clothes at him. He's ready by noon and we head out to meet Jill and Marissa for lunch!

Lunch happens to be a 2 hour and 36 min ordeal...almost beating one of those culinary dinners for the longest meal ever! We part ways after lunch and Robbie comments on my being a good host...I'm slightly surprised. My spidey sense tells me that a bus will be driving by shortly and I rush back to the dorms. I gather all the books I need for a three hour study session with Ziyi and run out the door...as my abnormal sixth sense had informed me earlier (moreso a habitual understanding of the 80's schedule on Saturday), I reach the bus just as it's about to depart from Memorial Union!

Upon getting on the bus I notice that there are two seats unoccupied, yay! Of course I sit down...a minute later I come to the realization as to why they are unoccupied...THEY'RE WET!!!!! Ugh...now I've got wet pants and I've been in a state of frenzy all day! I make a mental growl and stand up...heck, who on this bus will ever see me again...I see Christa and silently chuckle to myself...the irony of my most recent thought! I say 'hi' and we exchange some pleasantries. The bus arrives at Ebling and I get off...I meet Ziyi and we do some O-Chem!
*studying*
5:45..the library kicks us out and we head downstairs. Ziyi's mom picks us up and we have a discussion on how much research sucks and how she would not recommend it to either of us (I silently cry...that's my life's ambition!). I get back to Chadbourne and my room at about 6:15...On my way to the Chaf, Thor and Tony K stop me and tell me that I'm going to dinner with them (I guess my dinner plans were already made for me)!

So we head out and end up waiting at a street corner for Lucy and Claire (Tony K's friends from Chicago). While standing on the corner and joking about how we look like male prostitutes, a group of girls walks by and Charles questions loudly, "Where are these girls coming from?" I can't help but laugh, seeing as we were just joking about male prostitution and a group of girls just happens to be walking toward us. Nothing happens, of course, so we continue to make random jokes and then Tony K breaks into a Backstreet Boys song and we all start to sing on the corner..."Tell me why-ee, aint' nothing..." and then we point out the fact that the Backstreet Boys are the only group to make 'why' a two syllable word. Having been waiting for roughly 30 minutes, Thor notices that he forgot his wallet and insists on going back to Chadbourne...the group refuses and we start to talk about how we can cover for him. Tony K starts making jokes about how much money he has and the conversation turns to ridiculous money jokes...of course a homeless man has to approach us at this point, while we're joking about money, and ask for loose change. Thor and I give him some change and Charles loudly says "NO" and he leaves. We all burst out into uproariously loud laughter...all the random coincidences are way too funny!
*30 minutes later*
By now Thor could've already been to his room and back with his wallet, but we're all still standing around. 5 mins later Lucy and Claire finally arrive and we all head to Casa de Lara for dinner. Dinner happens to take upwards of 2 hours, it takes a while to cook up 7 entrees, and then we leave. I check my cellphone and it tells me that it's 9:15. Instead of going back to Chadbourne, we go to the Chocolate Shoppe and as Tony so aptly put it, "We're gonna shit out some more time you guys, yeeuh yeaah, hahaha!!"
*wasting time*
I finally get back to Chadbourne at 10:00! Upon entering into my room I find Jeff and Sarah there. I say 'hi' to Sarah and Jeff and log onto IM...I say hi to a couple of people and then kids start arriving in the room...dang it...I know a mini party's gonna occur and I sneak out with some Calc....2 hours later I come back in to find the rug in slight disarray and my bed in a different state than when I left...In my exhaustion, due to the daily events...I just kinda say screw it and I make my bed-ish...I end up inviting Lena down to visit and we spend around 2 hours talking about random things until the wee hours of the morning, at which point I kinda just collapsed into my bed and blissfully sleep!

2:11pm: Ok...So I finally watched City of God...Granted my computer is dumb and has no way of working in Subtitles I was SOL. Anyway, I'm watching this movie that I have no understanding of what people are saying and I actually enjoyed it...a lot! I don't know why, but the movie is definitely well done. The cinematography is superb...some shots are just so well taken that one feels a part of the scene. Also, the movie doesn't hide anything! It portrays the good/bad/ugly of poverty stricken cities as they really are. In the end, I'll have to watch this movie again, with subtitles, and chances are I'll like it even more (regardless of how depressing it is to watch children being killed and doing the killing).

1:59pm: Anyone know what TRILL stands for? I've just noticed this spray-painted in many random places while driving into Madison.

12:14pm: I've officially lost my A-Chem lab manual...this is really, really bad...Why am I so scatterbrained??? This sucks!

8:19pm: For those who may be interested
The question is...Do you know how I perceive myself?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Souriya

12:01am: I didn't close it after all
Here's the rest of it



Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

6:03pm: Here's the results to some random personality test that Jia had me take...

1:52am: There, enjoy that bit of humor!